Shinobi Stronghold
by psychoman222
Summary: After the incident with Mizuki, Naruto is worried he won't be welcome in Konoha anymore. Fortunately for him, he knows a jutsu that just might solve his problem... DISCLAIMER: NO NARUTOS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS FIC... THAT CAN'T BE REPLACED. [This Fic is NOT part of my Shinobiverse.]
1. Chapter 1

AN: This idea wouldn't go away. This is a crackfic. Everything exists for the comedy.

 **Shinobi Stronghold**

* * *

Naruto, having just defeated Mizuki, and having heard all about the Nine-Tailed Fox, was reeling. He would never be welcome back in the village. If people were suspicious of him before, for something out of his control, now that he had actually _stolen_ something, proving their suspicions _correct_...

He needed to leave. But to _where_?

Getting an idea, he used his new jutsu to create several sets of seven shadow clones, and sent them out to find his new home. He would find a place to hole up, and wait for his clones to come get him once they found something.

He waited a couple of minutes for his clones to get a head start, before choosing a direction and taking off. At least, that was the plan. As he was about to head out, he felt a hand firmly grip his shoulder. He looked up, to see an ANBU wearing a dog mask.

Knowing his chance for escape had failed before it had even begun, he returned to Konoha with the ANBU.

Once there, he learned that not only was he not in trouble, he was actually going to be made a ninja! Once this burden was lifted, he felt his need to escape dwindle away, and he completely forgot about the clone squads he had sent out...

Like all kids, Naruto was rather imaginative when he was younger. When he was about six, he invented "a new Language." He called it Khudzûl. It wasn't really a _language_ , as the only one who spoke it was himself. The Old Man, (or Ugamil in Khudzûl), encouraged the practice. After all, it was useful for a shinobi to be able to create coded messages. The members of the Shadow clone teams used Khudzûl to communicate with one another. After all, you couldn't have a safe haven if everyone knew where it was.

They each stopped in towns to pick up supplies before carrying on their way.

One team went north. They had no map, as Naruto never got around to learning how to read one, so they considered buying one a waste of resources. Instead, they judged their distance from Konoha by terrain. They waded through snow, walked across ice floes, and swam through frigid water, until they found it. A massive glacier. Calling it "Kheledûm", they raised their digging tools, and struck the ice.

One group went to the east. They did not travel anywhere near as far as the Clones of Kheledûm. Procuring a rowboat, they traversed a misty expanse of water. They rowed for only a short time, before they found it. A sea cave, just waiting to be made livable. Calling it "Zâramzahar", they raised their stonecutters, and struck the earth.

Unlike the clones of Kheledûm, the third group was not aware of their limitations, and bought a map. They ended up lost. Very lost. Eventually, they came across a massive tree, with its massive roots splayed like buttresses, resulting in a natural burrow underneath the tree. Seeing this as a good starting point, Calling it "Zarsgunud", they raised their shovels, and struck the earth.

Most people assumed Naruto was stupid. This was not the case. He didn't know many things others did. This wasn't due to lack of intelligence or, as some of the more...suspicious people theorized, deliberate sabotage. It was merely lack of focus, combined with common knowledge not being taught to him because the people responsible for doing so assumed someone already did.

But when something caught his attention, he was just as capable of learning and studying as anyone else. This was the case for a subject no one assumed he knew anything about- architecture. Most would be confused by this-why would an aspiring ninja, especially one not known for his intellectualism, study architecture? Like many things, it makes sense in context.

In planning the Great Hokage Monument Repainting Project, or as everyone else called it, "That Time Naruto Vandalized A National Landmark", he studied the monument. Mostly for blind spots, an optimal route for climbing, that sort of thing. But the texts that contained that information also contained information about construction techniques and historical anecdotes, among other things. And when he encountered something he didn't understand, he started studying other texts in order to sate his curiosity.*

The end result was, by the time he executed the prank, he had at least a basic appreciation and understanding of a subject people expected him to know nothing about. The same was true on the subjects of smithing (he tried repairing a chipped kunai, and was looking up why general-purpose glue wasn't cutting it), gemmary (he walked past a jewelry shop while on his way to visit the Hokage, wondered why one gem was so much more expensive than another that looked exactly like it, and the legendary Professor explained. In great detail.) Animal handling (he volunteered to help his new friend Kiba with his chores at the Inuzuka kennel, and the supervising clansmen went to great lengths to lecture him when he did something wrong), and quite a few other subjects.

So when the clones decided to make Naruto's hideaway by themselves, they weren't _completely_ unqualified to do so. Of course, there was a question that needed answering- Since the clones were going to remain for a long time, what would they call themselves? The answer was to appropriate the Khudzûl word for clone- Dorf, an a onomatopoeia for the sound a failed clone made at one point (The real sound being halfway between a rasp and a retch). The Dorfs decided to give out names based on professions and accomplishments- all in Khudzûl. Unproven Dorfs were to be referred to as Urist, Khudzûl for 'New Guy."

As the weeks passed, Naruto trained as a genin, under Kakashi and Team 7. Periodically, he would try to create more shadow clones, only for them to not appear. Not knowing where even to begin addressing the problem, he turned to Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, you know the Shadow Clone Jutsu?" Naruto asked.

"I might. Why do you ask?" Kakashi replied, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders, not looking up from his book.

"Well, I was capable of doing it before, but now I'm not. I was hoping you could tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Kakashi closed his book with a snap, and immediately gave the genin all of his attention.

"Show me."

Naruto made the hand seals, and pushed his chakra into it, but other than a few puffs of smoke, nothing happened.

"I think I know what the problem is. You wouldn't happen to have other Shadow clones running around, would you? Sometimes, when you use the jutsu, it creates them where the other clones are, not you. So, the question is, why would my cute little genin have a bunch of shadow clones running around independently?" Kakashi asked, staring Naruto dead in the eye.

And just like that, Naruto remembered the clones he had sent away.

"Um, No reason! Thanks, sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, then ran off.

Kakashi shrugged, and returned to his book.

Naruto was a notorious prankster, so it wasn't out of the question for Naruto to be using his clones for setting up for a prank. Not something he needed to concern himself with.

 _ **Meanwhile, in Zâramzahar…**_

A squad of Narutos appeared out of thin air, ready to do battle.

Only to find a single other Naruto, working at smoothing a stone floor.

It looked up, and noticed them.

"HEY GUYS, THE NEW URISTS ARE HERE!" It yelled.

"What's going on? Why aren't we with the boss?" One of the newly materialized clones asked.

"Don't know, don't care. Now help me smooth this floor. Zâramzahar is to be _perfect_ for when the Melkanuzbad arrives. Tools are over there." The Older Clone ordered, gesturing to a bin.

The new arrivals shrugged, and got to work.

* * *

AN: *TV Tropes calls this phenomenon a 'Wiki Walk'. That or an Archive Binge.

AN2: TRANSLATION NOTES: Dorf names are going to be Dwarf Fortress Dwarven. Otherwise, it will be actual Tolkien Khudzul, unless I can't find a translation.

TRANSLATIONS FOR THE CHAPTER:

Melkanuzbad: Big Boss, or the Original Naruto. (More accurately translated: Large Lord)

Ugamil: Old Man

Zâramzahar: Pool/Lake Hollow

Kheledûm: Mirror Hall/Mansion

Zarsgunud: Tree Tunnel

AN3: I'm aware the opening is rather weak. I can't figure out a way to fix it. It's merely there to set up the Dwarf Fortress bit, though. That's where the important bits of the story are going to be.

AN4: This ties into AN3. **_I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A BETA! IF INTERESTED, PM ME!_** Quite a few of my issues getting content out in a timely manner is my lack of someone to bounce ideas off of: Like I said in AN3, I know there are problems, but I don't know how to fix them. So it waits on my hard drive for months, until I either have an epiphany, or I say "screw it" and publish a flawed chapter. Which is what happened here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Shinobi Stronghold**

 **Chapter 2**

 _ **Zâramzahar**_

"Overseer, there is a problem." One of the Urists reported.

Otthatekur, the 'mayor' of Zâramzahar, looked up from his desk.

"What is it?"

"We lack potable water. As you know, the only supply of water nearby is the ocean. Which is undrinkable."

"We've been making due by trading with the locals."

"But that's not sustainable in the long run. Even now, Almoshkon the Broker reports of the local's economy showing signs of faltering."

"While that is grave news, there is nothing I can do about it, unless we find a new source."

"Actually, I have a solution. The cave mushrooms we've found appear to be fermentable."

Otthatekur thought about this for a moment.

"Do what you need to to make it happen. Also, assign one of the Urists to ensure our supply of mushrooms is sustainable. For this, you have earned the name Stigilethab."

"Thank you, Overseer! I will not disappoint you!" The newly named Dorf left the office.

 _ **Konoha, the next day…**_

Kakashi was having a normal day.

Reading his book, watching Naruto and Sasuke "spar" out of the corner of his eye, making sure they didn't "accidentally" kill each other…

Yep. A normal day.

And then Naruto _dropped._ The orange-clad genin clutched his head in pain.

"Naruto, are you okay? What happened?" Kakashi asked.

"It's loch mah feckin' heed is bein' used as a fitba by a donkey!" Naruto slurred.

"Naruto! Language!" Sakura screeched.

Naruto's eyes flashed with rage.

"Shut th' heel up, ye damn harpy! Yer yellin' soonds loch a howler monkey bein' buggered by a dug whistle!" Naruto thundered.

Surprise more than anything made her comply. Naruto had been so infatuated with her, he _never_ raised his voice at her, before now. Out of anger, anyway. After all, Naruto had two settings- loud, and unconscious.

"Did he have a stroke?" Sasuke asked, as he watched Naruto worm his way into a patch of shade, muttering about "Bludy god shinin' a goddamn flashlecht intae mah een."

"No, wrong symptoms. It's almost like a hangover, but they don't hit instantly...Unless…"

And just like that, everything clicked into place in Kakashi's mind.

"Naruto, what have your shadow clones been doing?"

"Hoo th' bludy heel shoods Ah ken whit those bastards ur up tae? Ah huvnae seen them in months!"

Kakashi's eye widened in horror. A reason why Shadow Clones are a forbidden jutsu is that after a while, clones become...unstable. You should dispel them the _second_ you are done using them. Otherwise… bad things happen. His eye glazed over, as he was lost in remembrance…

 _ **Flashback, several years ago…**_

 _Kakashi entered his apartment, carrying an armful of groceries. When he had a chance to survey the apartment, he dropped them in shock._

 _In his apartment, there was another him. Without his mask. Wearing green. And_ _ **smiling.**_

" _You know, I've been thinking. We're really too morose. Gai is right, we_ _ **are**_ _in the Springtime of our youth, and we shouldn't spend it in misery. So, c'mon! Let's head to one of the training fields-you can spot me while I do some squat thrusts. Yosh!" Kakashi Two explained._

 _Kakashi Prime's eye widened in horror. With shaking hands, he formed the handseal necessary to dispel the clone._

" _Begone, demon!" He yelled, then the other Kakashi vanished in a puff of smoke._

 _ **Present day…**_

Kakashi shuddered. Sometimes he _still_ got the urge to put on spandex and go for a morning jog.

"You two, keep an eye on him. Just keep him hydrated. I need to have a chat with somebody." Kakashi ordered.

Orders given, he _legged it._

Kakashi was a blur as he rushed towards the Hokage's office.

A nearby ANBU spotted him, and fumbled for his radio.

"Go to red alert! Code Silver Flash! Say again, Code Silver Flash!"

" _I hear you, Racoon. Going to red alert."_

You see, Kakashi was one of the strongest ninja residing in the village. He was also notoriously… _relaxed_. If something was going on that actually forced _him_ to _haul ass_ , as he was doing at the moment, it was _important._ And ANBU needed to be ready for it.

 _ **At the Hokage's Office…**_

"Sir, animals have been disappearing in the Forest of Death. Not only that, but there's been evidence of logging." Anko reported.

"Thank you for informing me, Anko. I'll have someone look into it." The Hokage replied.

That's when Kakashi careened through the door.

"Lord Hokage! I need to talk to you! It's important!"

"I guessed as much from your refusal to waste time by _opening_ the door before going through it. Anko, I will discuss the Forest of Death with you later. Keep me informed of any changes." Anko saluted, and left.

"Now, what is it, Kakashi?"

"It's Naruto. _Apparently_ he's been having teams of shadow clones go off and do their own thing for _months_."

"While...inadvisable, I don't see the urgency that you apparently do. Though it's odd that I haven't seen any of these clones running around."

"That's because, if my suspicions are correct, they're not in the village."

The Hokage instantly sobered.

"That _is_ a problem."

Having ninja acting without supervision of a village was nearly always a bad thing- it's why missing-nins were such a problem. Having _squads_ of unsupervised ninja running amok was a disaster. Squads of unsupervised _Jinchuriki_ was literally unheard of. Combine that with Naruto being the son of the Yellow Flash, a man so hated by Konoha's enemies he had a bounty on his head _to this day_ , _despite being dead for over a decade…_

Problem was an understatement.

Of course, it could be mitigated if the Clone Squads were discreet.

Unfortunately, it was Naruto they were talking about.

"At least there are only a few of them." The Hokage said optimistically.

 _ **Meanwhile, at**_ _ **Zarsgunud…**_

As if in a cliche anime, The Thousand Clones of Zarsgunud all sneezed at once.

The resulting cave-in killed three Urists.

 _ **At the Hokage's Office…**_

The Hokage and Kakashi quizzically looked at each other as the the building was hit by a small tremor.

"That's odd, there isn't a fault line anywhere near here. Anyway, I'll have Jiraiya look into it. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. How did you find out about it, if you don't mind me asking?"

"He spontaneously got a hangover in the middle of training."

' _So, we're dealing with squads of_ _ **drunk**_ _missing-nin Narutos.'_ The Hokage thought.

As the realization set in, the God of Shinobi let out a whimper.

 _ **Zâramzahar**_

Otthatekur _glared_ at Stigilethab as he nursed his headache.

"There's a flaw in your plan to solve our hydration problem. We lost ten Urists as they beat their heads against a wall to ease the pain." Otthatekur snarled.

"Actually, I have a plan to counteract that. They call it 'hair of the dog.' Simply put, the more you drink, the less it hurts. After all, hangovers are the result of not being drunk anymore. So if you're _always_ drunk, no hangover." Stigilethab reasoned.

Otthatekur thought about that irreparably twisted logic.

"Makes sense to me." He said finally, and took another swig of Fungus Beer.

* * *

 _ **AN: **_Yes, Naruto gets a Scottish accent while drunk. I _am_ turning him into a stereotypical Dwarf, after all.

 **TRANSLATIONS:**

Stigilethab, "Jawrinse"

Otthatekur, "Directmight"

Almoshkon, "Gleammaster"

" _ **It's loch mah feckin' heed is bein' used as a fitba by a donkey!"-**_ _It's like my fucking head is being used by a football by a donkey!_

" _ **Shut th' heel up, ye damn harpy! Yer yellin' soonds loch a howler monkey bein' buggered by a dug whistle!"-**_ _Shut up you damn harpy! Your yelling sounds like a howler monkey being buggered by a dog whistle!_

 _ **Bludy god shinin' a goddamn flashlecht intae mah een."**_ _\- Bloody God shining a flashlight into my eyes_

(No, I don't know why the generator I used translated 'eyes' to 'een'.)

 _ **"Hoo th' bludy heel shoods Ah ken whit those bastards ur up tae? Ah huvnae seen them in**_ **months!"-** How the bloody hell should I know what those bastards are up to? I haven't seen them in months!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** I should have been more clear-Naruto CAN create more clones. It's just they have a 1/4 chance of showing up where he wants them to (even split between the strongholds+himself). That's why the forts get reinforcements- If he's training, and tries to create 10 clones, and it takes him, say, 5 tries to get them to show up where he wants them to...

If he couldn't make more clones arrive at his position AT ALL, he would give up on trying to make them, and the strongholds wouldn't get reinforcements, and the high casualty rate would catch up to them.

He does still get the memories- they just get more...diluted as the clones get "older". As in, he can't CONSCIOUSLY recall anything they did, but retains their skill set-even if he doesn't realize he did. That's why he doesn't know about the fortresses YET. But every new clone he makes gets progressively more skilled...(Also, Clones have a better chance of recalling specifics-that's how the practice of brewing will spread to the other strongholds)

These problems will go away more and more as the series progresses, and Naruto gets more skilled with the jutsu- being able to control when and where they show up, recalling clone memories with greater clarity, etc.

 **AN2:** A reviewer requested that Main!Naruto speak in drunken Scottish 24/7. Sorry, not happening. This is because I think it's funnier if he functions normally, but sometimes mid-conversation, and sometime mid- _sentence_ , he suddenly drops 50 IQ points. I don't want the gag to outlive it's welcome, after all.

* * *

 _ **Zâramzahar**_

Zâramzahar, being located in an ocean cave, was primarily based around fishing. Carpenters made fishing boats, weavers made nets, and smiths forged spears. Jewelers made their crafts out of mollusk shells and mother of pearl, as well as the pearls themselves. Stone and wood was plentiful, being located underneath a forested area, but fresh water scarce, which the Dorfs worked around by creating a brewery.

There were massive farms in Zâramzahar, but not like most mainland farms. These 'farms' were in fact artificial pools, where fish, mollusks,crustaceans, and plants such as seaweed were cultivated. On top of these pools, rafts comprised of wood and nets holding shale, floated. Mushrooms and other produce were planted in these rafts.*

These farms were in their infancy, however, and not enough to sustain Zâramzahar on their own, yet. And so, many Urists took to the sea.

With these industries, coupled with the trade from the local town, Zâramzahar prospered, despite the entire population being perpetually intoxicated.

And like all prosperous habitats, it needed to expand. And so the miners expanded it.

And so began the Night of a Hundred Pincers.

.

It all began when a miner Urist dug too deep, and too greedily.

In doing so, sunlight entered a cavern, where sunlight never once dwelled before.

This enraged the inhabitants, and the miner met his end at their claws.

The beasts swarmed the stronghold, only held at bay by a few brave Urists armed with fishing spears.

One of these Urists saw his allies slain in droves, by the beast's pincers.

He looked on their forms, like giant crabs, yet they walked like men, their carapace a milky white, as they have never seen light or the sun.

Finally, one fell, from a lucky strike that hit a joint in their armor.

This Urist got an idea. Putting everything, from the spear wall to his own mortality, from his mind, he rushed forward, grabbed the fallen Lobsterman, and hauled it to the fisherman's shop. He ignored all orders to stop.

He carefully removed the carapace from the beast, and sprinted with it to a forge, tossing aside a protesting Dorf.

And he began his mysterious construction.

Yet another Urist was selected to remove him from the forge. This Urist was unsuccessful, instead being restrained and forcibly measured by the mad Dorf.

Finally, it was finished.

A suit of full armor, cladding the press-ganged Urist from head to toe.

This armor was named Obshikfillu- "Bone-skin".

Obshikfillu is Cave Lobster Shell Armor. All craftsdorfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with Cave Lobster Shell and encircled with bands of Cave Lobster Shell. It menaces with spikes of Cave Lobster Shell. On the item is an image of a Dorf Striking down a Cave Lobster. The Dorf is laughing. The Dorf is Surrounded by the Dorfs. The Cave Lobster is pleading.

The Armor-Clad Dorf was handed a bronze spear, and sent to the front line by the mad Dorf.

He thought he was going to be dispelled.

However, Obshikfillu weathered the strikes of the lobsters, and protected the Dorf within. Thus, he was able to strike them down with impunity. Until finally, the siege broke.

For their actions, the Speardorf earned the name Konosshethel, or "The Brass Serpent".

The mad Dorf, no longer quite so mad, was given the name Erithmurak, or Laborbold.

Erithmurak's epiphany did not only ensure victory against the Cave Lobsters, but against all Dorfkind's enemies. For their greatest weakness, their inability to endure a blow without dispelling, was now gone. For they could now forge armor, which would endure _for_ them.

And so, the stronghold took a new direction. They would forge weapons and armor, not just mere tools. They would actively maintain a defensive force, which would drill and train in their off- hours.

From this day forth, Zâramzahar would no longer be a mere cave filled with drunk fishermen.

It would be a Stronghold.

Filled with drunk fishermen.

 _ **Konoha**_

Kakashi read his book as he supervised the D- Rank mission. He honestly thought Naruto, as excitable as he was, would be the first to complain about the dull, repetitive work. But he was dutifully, and _competently_ , going about his work, muttering under his breath.

Curious, Kakashi approached the genin.

Now within earshot, Kakashi was surprised to learn his student wasn't muttering. He was _singing._

" _...Up jumps the lobster with his heavy claws,_

 _Bites the main boom right off by the jaws!_

 _and it's Windy weather boys, stormy weather, boys._

 _When the wind blows, we're all together, boys._

 _Blow ye winds westerly, blow ye winds, blow._

 _Jolly sou'wester, boys, steady she goes..."**_

Kakashi's eye narrowed. He knew the song, having heard it on a mission a while back. He also knew Naruto _didn't._ It was a popular shanty on fishing ships, but Konoha was landlocked, and Naruto never left the village. That meant it was taught to him by his clone's memory transfer.

He was disturbed by this information, because it meant the clones had gotten much further than he thought. The Hokage's searches, as well as his own, had been focused on the Land of Fire, thinking _Naruto_ of all people couldn't evade notice that long, and would have gotten picked up by the border patrols if they _did_ try to leave.

But here was evidence that the clones had made it _at least_ as far as the coast.

He sighed, and returned to his book. He was _not_ looking forward to reporting this to the Hokage.

* * *

 **AN3:** *This is an actual practice that is gaining popularity, called aquaponics. It is designed to cut down on the operating costs of hydroponics, (which need a lot of expensive fertilizer to be viable) and fish farming (which needs expensive and hard to maintain water filters to prevent the fish from poisoning themselves with their own crap.). Basically, fish fertilize the water with their refuse, the plants drink it, and in the process, filter the water for the fish, basically making your 'water farm' its own self contained ecosystem, with minimal maintenance needed. You just need to top off the water occasionally. And feed the fish, but that's a given, unless of course they found a way that lets the fish survive off the plants they're growing.

**Stanza of an actual sea shanty, called "The Fish in the Sea". Funnily enough, this was the original purpose of the sea shanty, or as it used to be called, 'chanty'. Because they weren't originally bawdy, racy limericks sung by drunk uncouth pirates, like most people think.

They were _chants_ , designed to help sailors keep pace with each other, as well as cut down on the monotony of the boring work. The military still does something similar, called a cadence call.

So, Naruto using as a work song is actually historically accurate.

 **AN4:** And so, you can now say you actually say reading Naruto crack-fics is educational. Most people do _not_ realize how much research writing requires.

For instance, I did _not_ know aquaponics was a thing before this chapter. But, since I needed a way to make a sea-cave society viable, I looked up crab farming, and that led me to seaweed farming, and that led me to...etc., etc., etc.

It's even worse for sci-fi, where you actually have to _math_. Look at AN4 of chapter 7 of Entropy Effect, where I actually needed to explain how gravity weapons work, and went into a 3 paragraph dissertation. (which I needed to do _twice_ , because I accidentally converted kilograms into grams when I shouldn't have). Oh, by the way? It turns out there's no standard equation (that I could find) that calculates an object's ability to withstand pressure. So I had to kludge one together. And I am _not_ a mathematician.

 **AN5:** This is the obligatory apology for taking so long. The store I work at lost a quarter of it's work force all at once, so the remaining employees (including me) had to work more to pick up the slack, leaving much less time for fun stuff.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** It appears as though some people have deduced a plot twist for later in this story.

For all of you writers out there, let me tell you, foreshadowing is _hard_. It appears as though I have a tendency to give away _too much_ information in order to avoid it appearing as if I was pulling it out of nowhere.

(If you want an example of 'not enough foreshadowing', I personally feel as if the Oceans' Eleven movie trilogy relies on ass-pulls. I recently re-watched the trilogy, and, having seen them before, was on the lookout for clues for the 'twists'. There weren't any- stuff just magically popped out of nowhere in the third act when they needed it.)

So, it's a balancing act: Too much(Which I apparently lean towards), and the first half of your story needs spoiler warnings for your second half.

Too little, and you end up with… "Oh No! We lost the Macguffin! This elaborate heist we spent 3/4ths of the movie setting up has failed! We're doomed!" One of the protagonists exclaims. The Main Protagonist calmly pulls the Macguffin out of his pocket. "Oh, I stole it offscreen an (IRL) hour ago. That elaborate heist was completely pointless. And nobody will question it, because I'm George Clooney, and I'm just that goddamn charming."

 **TL;DR:** If you're bad at foreshadowing, hire George Clooney to distract the audience.

… Wait, that _isn't_ the moral of the story?

I guess the _real_ moral of the story is that I'm bad at foreshadowing. So, sorry.

 **AN2:** the lobstermen in last chapter were inspired by Fallout 3 mirelurks, or Xcom:Terror from the Deep lobstermen.

 **AN3:** There is a wall of text in this chapter. It is _meant_ to be TL:DR. So feel free to skip. If you read anyway, you get some insight on dwarf language. If you don't, you will understand where Sasuke's coming from.

Anyway, On to the Story!

* * *

 _ **Shinobi Stronghold**_

 _ **Chapter 4**_

After training, Kakashi decided to follow his most problematic genin. The boy had taken to reading a lot lately, which was odd, as according to every report ever written about him, he was never very studious. But his own observations said otherwise.

One day, Naruto would read about architecture, only to drop what he was doing and intently focus on metallurgy.

The next he would do nothing but study chemistry.

Once, he even managed to get his hands on a text about puppetry jutsu!

Kakashi spent weeks trying to figure out a pattern, until he found it.

Naruto was being influenced by his clones.

One of the wayward clones would dispel, transferring back traces of it's memories, presumably including information about a problem they were facing.

The original Naruto would look up the information they needed. Then, the next time he made shadow clones, the necessary information would make it's way _back_ to the renegade clones, using the newly created clones as a sort of courier.

Kakashi would normally think that this system was a artfully crafted procedure, made by a cunning genius.

This notion was dispelled by the fact that the original Naruto was _completely oblivious_ to the system's existence, as the memories of his clones were so diluted he couldn't recall any details _at all._ All he knew was that he had a sudden compulsion to research a certain topic.

Sometimes, something subconscious would slip through, like the strange drunken dialect he slipped into at times, or the occasional shanty. But nothing that could tell Kakashi what he needed to know. In short, the only information Naruto could remember was information he wasn't _trying_ to remember. This made direct confrontation completely counter-productive.

Which meant Kakashi needed to spy on Naruto during one of the genin's research binges if he wanted to get to the bottom of this.

Today, as Kakashi stealthily read over his genin's shoulder, raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Why was he looking at a blueprint for a boiler engine?

* * *

 _ **Roughly a mile from**_ _ **Kheledûm…**_

The Yukigakure Ninja was having a completely normal, boring day guarding Doto's steam locomotive. That was about to change.

The only warning he had was a cry of **"BARUK KHAZÂD! KHAZÂD AI-MÊNU!"**

He didn't have a chance to react, as he was suddenly struck from behind with a blunt object.

as he fell to the ground, dazed, he could only watch as a legion of fur-clad figures, acting as one, lifted the train off the tracks. They ran off with it into the distance, only to vanish into the perpetual snowstorm in the distance.

As he regained the feeling in his extremities, the ninja only had one thought.

' _I am_ _ **so**_ _fired.'_

* * *

 _ **Konoha, the next day...**_

The Hokage looked over the assembled Team 7. Sasuke looked frazzled, Sakura looked furious, Kakashi looked exhausted, and Naruto was beaming.

"Well, in addition to capturing the cat you were asked to, you apparently also managed to trap…" The Hokage looked over at a piece of paper.

"Thirteen skunks, thirty-seven stray dogs, twenty-three pigeons, eight opossums, forty-six squirrels, fifty-nine feral cats, four wild pigs, nine racoons, and a Sika deer."

Sakura bowed.

"Sorry, Lord Hokage! _Someone-"_ she said. pointedly glaring at Naruto, who was oblivious, "-decided to booby-trap all of Konoha, rather than doing as Sensei said and tracking Tora _properly_."

The Sandaime raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you apologizing? Taking out the surplus feral population is _very_ important, ecologically speaking."

"Especially cats. Once they get into an area and start breeding, the population level of just about every other species in the area drops like a rock." Naruto chimed in.

The Hokage nodded.

"Exactly right. So Team Seven actually did Konoha a great service today."

Sakura was taken aback. "But… won't this create a lot more work for you?"

The Hokage was about to reply, when Naruto answered for him.

"Are you kidding? He's going to pass the buck onto the first dupe to walk in the door who's stupid enough to accept!"

"NARUTO! How _dare_ you insult the Sandaime! The Hokage would _never_ do something like that!" Sakura berated.

"She's right, I _don't_ 'pass the buck' to 'a stupid dupe'." The Sandaime agreed.

Naruto raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the Hokage.

"What I do is 'delegate' to a 'loyal subordinate'. It's all about how you phrase it." The Hokage said with a wink.

Sakura gaped at her leader, scandalized. Meanwhile, Naruto nodded sagely, in acceptance of his elder's wisdom.

Kakashi gave a fake cough, in order to get everyone's attention.

"Actually, since they've done so well, I'd like to accept a C-rank mission next." Kakashi stated.

"I have just the mission. It will take you out of the village, however."

The Hokage replied.

"Sounds good to me." Kakashi shrugged, doing his best to seem nonchalant.

After all, this was a ruse. Kakashi and the Hokage had determined that the diminishing of the memories of Naruto's shadow clones was due to proximity. So, by having Naruto leave the village, they could hopefully triangulate the location of the renegade clones.

Naruto sighed.

"I guess I'm going to have to give these two a crash course in Khuzdul. After all, it's best if we had some way to communicate in code." Naruto reasoned.

"An excellent idea, Naruto. Sakura, Sasuke, go with Naruto, and do your best to learn from him. I'll discuss the details of the mission with the Hokage while you're gone." Kakashi ordered.

"What's Kuzdool?" Sasuke asked, confused.

"It's a language I invented. Be grateful, you're the only ones I've ever even _considered_ teaching it to. So, to begin…"

* * *

 _ **Several Hours Later…**_

"...So, now on to prefixes. For this example, I'm going to be using the word for a superior, which is -zbad. The negative prefix is O. So, for example Mizuki, who is a complete jerk, but still outranked us, would be Ozbad. A prefix of A is feminine. So, Kurenai-Sensei would be Azbad.

U is masculine. Kakashi is Uzbad. An E prefix is for greater. So, if Kakashi and the Hokage were in a room together, You would call the Hokage Ezbad, and Kakashi Izbad, as an I prefix means lesser. However, in day to day use, you would shorten -zbad to -z, followed by the person's name. So, Kakashi would be Uz-Kakashi, and Kurenai would be Az-Kurenai.

Also, The prefix for Past tense is Sanu, and the Prefix for future tense is Natu.

So, 'Uz-Kakashi Natu-nalim ai-menan' means 'Kakashi-sensei will be travelling at dawn.' and 'Az-Kurenai Sanu-hurun ai-nanan' means 'Kurenai-sensei slept last night.' Any questions so far?"

Sakura looked up from her notes. "Well, this seems a bit complicated for mere encryption. Is there a reason you made your code grammatically coherent?"

Naruto huffed. "It's not a _code_ , Sakura, it's a _language_. One I've been working on for _years_. The _least_ you could do is...Wait. If you thought it was a secret code, why are you _writing it down_?"

Sakura pointed her pen at their third, glossy-eyed teammate. "For Sasuke. He checked out sometime around when you were talking about Khuzdul Predicate Nominatives."

Naruto scowled.

"Fine. Since APPARENTLY nobody CARES about the code language that I have decided to entrust them with, let's go home and pack." Naruto snapped, before storming off.

"Stupid teme! Too frickin' good to pay attention to my masterpiece, wasting MY damn time! I could have been working on the schematics to the Ballista Hwacha, or the Shagohod, or the Drop Bear Dropper, or the Rayon Smelters, or the Perpetual Pump, but NOOOO! I tried to teach the bastard something, only to get blown off! Jerk." He muttered angrily, trailing off as his sulking form got further and further away.

Sakura looked at her retreating teammate in confusion, before turning her attention to Sasuke.

"Is it over?" Sasuke asked, coming back to his senses.

"Yeah. I think you hurt his feelings, though."

Sasuke shrugged. "He'll get over it. Besides, who gives a cipher key its own grammar system for conjugating verbs?"

"Naruto, apparently."

"I didn't think the dobe would make it so _complex_. I was expecting a Shift Cipher, at _most_."

"I know! If it wasn't for my hand cramping from all the note taking, I'd actually be proud of him!"

Just then, a thought struck Sakura.

' _This is the longest conversation I can remember having with him! I can't believe this is going this well! Now's my Chance!'_

She quickly looked around, wanting to make sure nothing that could possibly interrupt her was nearby. Seeing nothing, she said "Hey Sasuke, do you want to go on a date with-" As she turned to look back at him, Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. "-me?"

"Dammit." she sighed in defeat.

* * *

 **AN:** Shinobi Stronghold Fact of the Day: Rayon (Wood Pulp) smelting is an actual process that exists- It's one of the methods for creating carbon fiber. Fun Fact: making Carbon fiber is actually very doable by Naruto-land tech levels. You basically just need to burn wood pulp. It was actually originally invented in 1860.

Granted, the end result is brittle, and requires some chemical treatment to become the modern super-material we use today, but... meh. Artistic licence and all that.


End file.
